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A lot of it is mental
and if you have hang-ups, it's not going to work. It could be guilt, it could be fear of pregnancy, or even fear of
losing control. If you get that close,then all you can do is try to relax and enjoy it. Also, by worrying about
it, you're preventing it from happening. Just enjoy what you're doing, and don't worry about orgasms, or anything else.
If you concentrate on the good feelings, it will happen eventually. In the meantime, sex without orgasms is good, too.
Many women never have orgasms, but they still enjoy the closeness and intimacy of sex. S top making it a "goal", and stop
worrying about it. That's all you can do. Also, one of these times, DON'T stop him...and see what happens. Orgasms CAN
be intense, and that's what you're feeling! ~jaysakura
There are times that
I focus on having an orgasm so bad, that it doesn't happen. The more I want to, the more it subsides . . . if you just
relax and not worry about it, it will happen. When I focus on the intimacy and closeness my DH share, it always happens.
Usually during oral sex. And they are intense. Don't be afraid to lose control. It is a wonderful feeling. A n
orgasm is like frosting on a cake. It is sweeter with the frosting, but the cake is still sweet too. Remember
sex is more than reaching orgasm, it is the closeness that you and your bf share, emotionally as well as physically. Good
luck and relax!! ~kriss330
"Banging" is not going
to get you ANYWHERE, sweetie. Wild, raw sex can be exciting if it is balanced out with sweet, deeply connected lovemaking
... I've been with my share of partners but I never reached orgasm until I was with my DH -- we were on the same level emotionally,
spiritually, physically and sexually -- the first time he made me come was so intense, and it has only improved with love,
respect and maturity (and lots of playing!) If your BF is as selfish as you say, and there is no lovemaking,
then I hate to say it but it sounds like you are being used. Don't allow yourself to be treated like this!!! You
deserve a special, deep relationship on all levels -- and believe me ... you CAN orgasm!!! Don't deprive yourself this
awesome gift!!! ~luvrpup
Do you have a shower
that has a head you can direct exactly wherever on your body you'd like a warms stream of soothing water? If so, point
the stream at your sex, directly on your clitoris for as long as you need to, and rub yourself also. This method should be
easier on the hands. Apart from this...relax and don't try so hard. Sorry, had to say it. Good things cum
to those who wait. ~patrck
RELATED LINKS:
Everything You Want to Know about Orgasms
Know Thyself: The Female Form 101
Hot & Heavy vs. Making Love
The Oral Connection to the Big O
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I never had one till
I was 43, that doesn't mean I never enjoyed sex till then! It's only recently that "orgasms" have become the be-all end-all
of sex, and that's just hype. Sure, it's great to have them, but they are not the GOAL of sex, they are the reward,
or the bonus, for doing it right.
It's kind of like running marathons...thousands of people run them,
and of course, they ALL want to win...but they don't. Do they stop running? NO, because they enjoy them.
Some day, they might actually win, and that will be wonderful, but until then, they enjoy running them, and they do it over
and over.
If you're wearing him into the ground
trying to "give" you an orgasm, of course he's getting tired of it. Learn how to have them, and take the pressure off
him! (and yourself) MOST women do not have orgasms from intercourse ALONE....you also need clitoral
stimulation.
You or he can do that during intercourse, or find a position, like
woman on top, that does it for you! If you want to shock him, tell him that you would just like to "make love", and
enjoy every minute of it. As long as both of you are "worrying" about it, you're not concentrating on what you're doing,
and it's not going to happen! ~jobeschwerde
Your BF needs to get his ego
out of the process and you need to take responsibility for learning how your body works. No one can give you an orgasm, and
relaxing isn't going to help if you don't know where to start.
Start experimenting with self pleasuring to figure
out what arouses you. Fantasy plays a part in it as well, thinking sexy or erotic thoughts will definitely speed up
the process and get your juices flowing.
Take the pressure off, continue enjoying the sensations from intercourse,
experiment by yourself, consider buying a vibrator AFTER learning to orgasm manually, and stop making orgasm a GOAL.
It IS wonderful and you WILL figure it out once you spend some time learning how your body works and what you need BUT it's
not the whole chocolate sundae, it's the cherry on top! Best wishes. ~madcat2000
Question can you orgasm by yourself?
Do you masturbate and orgasm with out a problem or do you have trouble then as well? Have you thought about how comfortatble
with your body? Until I accepted my physical self I had a really hard time orgasming with a partner. I could
do it when was alone but when I was with a partner it was really hard, until I got comfortable with ME. Now not only do I orgasm I have multiple orgasms.
Another thing I will agree with is the issue of control.
And before I forget VANITY. Some people worry about what they look like at that moment. We know that we may not look
our best and it can make for us to worry about our hair or how our bodies are moving or the noises we make.
Let's face it sex can be pretty funny looking, it can also be very
very very very very LOUD. That could also be a source of some of your reservation. But it can also be very very
beautiful looking as well. We just have to let ourselves relax and enjoy. Then watch out world I'm commmmmmmiiinngg.
Pun Fully intended :) ~jchemela
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